no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
