Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
