When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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