I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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