Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
