You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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