the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
