Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
