it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
