I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
