i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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