You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
