I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
