i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
