You smell like a Billy Joel song
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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