well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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