He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
