he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
