I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
