I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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