I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
this is an emotional support booty call
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
