he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
