His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
