I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
