I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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