Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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