Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
