she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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