I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
