i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
