just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
