I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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