My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We're too hungover to prance.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
