A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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