You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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