uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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