I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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