Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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