Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
