When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
