someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
