So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
