dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
