Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Four minutes until I can fart!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
