gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need to calm my uterus...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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