Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you pee in the oven last night??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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