The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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