why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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