I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
did i just pee glitter
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
