I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
